{Book Review} Killer Chronicles by Somer Canon: The Horror of Little Debbie Snack Cakes

Killer Chronicles by Somer Canon is a book that proves many things, but the first thing that it proves is that Somer Canon is a hell of a writer. On the surface, Killer Chronicles is a simple book. It sounds like a book we’ve all read 100 times over. Trust me when I tell you, you haven’t read a book like this one. KC tells the story of Christina Cunningham, who runs a true crime blog with her best friend and roommate, Anais Del Valle. Both Christina and Anais want to be taken seriously and want their blog to be successful. But after a harsh critique from a major newspaper, they need to bounce back. Just in time, bizarre murders are committed near Christina’s hometown. So, instead of waiting for the police to solve the case, Christina heads down with the idea to do a live investigation while the police are looking for the killer. What could go wrong? Well, a lot. But, what follows is a gory, disturbing, sexy, and hilarious novel that will keep you turning the pages well into the morning.

Killer Chronicles is a book about many things, but out of everything, it’s a book about ambition and loneliness. More importantly, it’s about what loneliness and ambition can do to people. Every character in this book is dealing with both or one of these aspects. Christina is a young woman who’s very sexual, but her romantic life has been off for a while. To fill this void her latest relationships are more mere hookups then the committed relationship she is looking for. The reporter who she befriends in her hometown is ambitious and all she has is her job, so she’s using people around her to propel her career forward. Anais wants her blog to be the next big thing, but she cares about Christina and she shows true compassion towards her friend. Terry is a lonely man who’s single and falls in love too fast. All these characters are defined by these traits, and these traits help define and lead these characters forward. As a result, they all feel real. For a second novel, Somer Canon shows a lot of talent early on in her career. The characters feel real and the choices feel like they matter. When Christina is in danger, you feel worried for her. When a character tries to double-cross another character to benefit themselves, you feel angry, but it never feels cheap. Every character feels real. Well, except one.

It’s time we talked about fairy tales, mythical creatures, and old stories. This, is an old story. I don’t mean a story that we’ve heard before, trust me, this story is very original. I mean this story deals with things that belong to paganism, and old fairy tales. When we think of fairy tales now, they’re often regarded as children’s stories. Killer Chronicles brings them back to the horror tales that they once were. In the opening scenes of the novel, we are introduced to a man named Matt. This man gets out of his pick up tuck and relieves himself in a lake. Already, we have a low opinion of him just based on his actions and descriptions. We later find out he’s a pedophile, so, we like him even less. This man becomes the killer’s first victim. They find him by the lake he was using. His skin ripped off and stretched across his truck window, and the rest of his body is gone. What could have killed him? A fairy? Maybe?  Something inhuman, that’s for sure. This ties the story back to pagan folklore and old stories. There’s something horrifying in the natural world that we can’t see, something that thinks itself better than us, and something that is older than us. Canon weaves us through this narrative that ties heavily into the folklore of the region and nature. This old world charm makes it’s so easy to get lost in the story. When Christina meets the killer, you almost laugh at first for how twisted it really is. But that’s what makes the story better, it’s old but unpredictable.
Which brings me back to Christina, she’s an interesting character. Canon writes her with a great deal of nuance.  For instance, She’s a very sexual woman, but she also has anxiety issues. The book is also full of detail that makes Christina really interesting.  For one, she still holds on to her childhood nostalgia. There’s a product in the book called Nummy Nellie’s Stripey Cakes (they’re Little Debbie’s Zebra Cakes), Christina loves these goddamn things. She eats them when she’s stressed, and she sings the Nummy Nellie jingle when she’s scared.  It’s absolutely brilliant because it helps make her feel more real and it makes the world feel more interesting. Christina is a great character with realistic tics and flaws. She’s a character that you root for and you hope that she can make it out once things get too intense.

Overall, Killer Chronicles is a fantastic novel that you must read if you’re a fan of horror and you’re looking for a new voice. Somer Canon is a fantastic writer and I can’t wait to see her grow. Between this, and her novella Vicki Beautiful, Somer has made me a fan for life. This is a great horror novel, but more importantly, it’s just plain fun. You’ll get grossed out, you’ll laugh, you’ll feel the tension, and you’ll realize this book runs the whole gamut. Killer Chronicles is a must read and you do yourself a disservice if you let this one pass you by. Order this book from Amazon and buy some zebra cakes, build up those calories and lose yourself in a great book.

Nummy Nellies is love for the belly!