Magicians: A Tribute to Margo’s One Liners

If you’re like me you love all things, Margo.  Her snarky, sarcastic quips are the stuff of dreams.  Who amongst us hasn’t wanted to clap back at our haters with the aplomb she shows week after week.  Summer Bishil’s Margo is not just a one-note smart ass hellcat bent on embarrassing you with her acerbic tongue chic.  Nor is she just the better half of Eliot and Margo’s whole.  She’s a woman of deep loyalty and morality.  Her appearance early in the series as a superficial Heather is a 180-degree change from who she is now. 

That girl had all the makings of a strong, independent woman but hid it behind a beautiful face and deep insecurity.  She used to be just a mean girl but now she’s all heart, even if that heart is given voice by the brightest most cutting wit Fillory or anywhere else for that matter has ever seen.  She has done all that without a meaningless love interest, love triangle or Rachel/Ross unrequited love angle.   It is her open-mindedness and deep wellspring of strength that has allowed her to become the confident woman she is today.  In honor of her being elected High King, by write-in vote no less,  I thought we would celebrate the brilliance that is her smart mouth.  Finally that most intelligent of all quipsters has her own political voice, and what a voice it is.  Without further ado, I give you Margo’s best lines from all the seasons of Magicians.

21.) Fuck Tinkerbitch.  Fuck her right in the Egg McMuffin”  Talking about the Fairy Queen of course.

20.) “Cause I am about ready to go full 07 Britney.”  Every bad guy needs to be beaten with an umbrella every now and again.  Depending on your preferences you might like it I guess.  Any umbrella fetishists out there?

 19.) “I guess someday I just always thought we were going to bang.”  She says this upon hearing about Penny’s death.  As much as I love Pulia or Pady I have to admit those would be some super good looking babies or just one hell of a sex tape.

18.) ” Oh my God two months without dick and I sound like Quentin.”  She and Eliot are on the tail end of a Buffy, Angel rant about fast aging babies when she lets this one fly.  It’s okay girl.  Don’t be ashamed to let your freak flag fly.

17.) “Yeah I love when they do terrorism allegory-with mostly white people.”  This is so cutting because Summer is of Mexican and Indian descent.  She knows what it’s like to be both a women and a Person of Color.  That subtle jab is the smartest thing about the writing.  

16.) “Dude you’re going to leave a mark and I don’t like that in a non-sexual context.”  This is just sage advise for everyone regardless of sexual predilection.

15.) “I waited till I was sure none of those creepy little no eyebrow-fuckers were around before I delegated.”  This seems like a sound business practice to me.  Words to live by.

14.) “You mossy pimping bitch”  She said this to The Fairy Queen naturally.  With that dry skin and gross egg laying she really is.

13.) “It’s the universe deep dicking us.  Lay back and try to enjoy it.”  Truer words were never spoken.

12.) “A great way to get what you want is to be so miserable you don’t want it anymore.”  Season one Margo was pretty awful and just a shell of the woman she has become.

11) “I need a free moment to rub one out in a bath before I fucking kill somebody.”  Proving once and for all masturbation is not just for men.  A true feminist.

10.) “Pretend it’s Prom Night and you just want to shut him up.”  I certainly know I’ve dated a few guys like that in the past.

9.) “You know in a sick way I sort of admire you.”  Let’s face facts we all have felt that way about the people we hate on occasion.

8.) “And now we are going to put our Jimmy Choo so far up your ass, you’re going to taste next season.”  Meta never sounded so good.

7.) “We’re stuck in some epic fantasy that likes to behead its heroes halfway through season one-if we even are heroes.  We might be comic relief.”  The story of my life.  Thank God our inner crew has not met that fate…..yet.  With the castle door poised to be opened that’s still a possibility.

6.) “Hooray you live to drink another day.”  Every good alcoholic’s mantra. 

5.) “I look like Jack Sparrow if he were played by a man.” That’s one bad costume choice away for us all, amiright?

4.) “I’d just like to point out that for the record, that you guys did nothing but each other.  Todd was more helpful than you.”  Seeing as Todd’s a tool this is not a ringing endorsement.

3.) “Oh Jesus there she is.  She has a bad habit of walking off.  Although when she does, it’s nice to be reminded I have a great ass.”  She really is pretty fine.

2.) “Wow swallowing has its privileges.”  There are no words.  I’m leaving this lay just as it is.  My editor will have a heart attack I included this anyway.

1.) “Don’t cock out on me.  I would have said pussy, but let’s be honest which one is stronger?”  Margo23 says this to Eliot23 while in the library of Brakebills Academy shortly before he blew her up.  Preach sister!

For as fabulous as Summer’s Margo is the writers deserve plenty of praise.  It is their words after all that are spoken so fluently by Margo.  Kudos to you guys!  Thank God we just a few short hours left until we get some more Margo.  If you need to get caught up on The Magicians or just need a refresher on theories and other madness check out our coverage here.  With the finale coming quickly we will have to hope nothing happens to our laconic lipped royal jokester, although who are we kidding if anything ever happened to Margo there would be mutiny.  Let High King Margo reign forever!