The Top 5 Childhood Stories That Should Get The Mean One And Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey Horror Treatment

It’s common knowledge that most fairy tales came from a dark place. These childhood stories that were repackaged as delightful fables of good over evil started as something much, much scarier, and often didn’t have a happy ending. Films like Gretel and Hansel claimed some of that dark space back. The newest trend is to turn beloved kid books into warped horror versions of themselves. Did we really need our childhood distorted into these nightmarish visions that will haunt our dreams for years to come? Maybe.

With significant public domain licenses expiring this year, the timing was perfect for the decidedly unsweet horror reimaging of Winnie The Pooh and Piglet that features a duo of sadistic serial killers named Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey. Rhys Waterfield’s film will feature feral furries that Christopher Robin has abandoned. Since the internet went nuts for the trailer for what might be the most anticipated horror film of 2023, other IP has been mined to find the next saccharine icon to become a killer, monster, or tortured victim.

Bambi, which was already pretty horrific, will become a vicious killer lurking in the woods, and Peter Pan is currently being conjured by the guys behind The Mean One into something less innocent and magical. Even Dr. Seuss’s Christmas classic got a bloody retool with Steven La Morte’s The Mean One.

While I’m not entirely convinced this newest trend is the next great subgenre to emerge, it does provide plenty of fodder for speculation. With other big IPs hitting the public domain in the next couple of years, I thought I’d put together a wish list of who and what we would like to see get the horror film treatment. So here are the top five childhood characters that should pick up the hatchet and when they are available.

Tarzan And The Golden Lion in 2023

This one practically screams for an ecohorror remake. Tarzan could be an ecowarrior who takes the fight to a bunch of wayward tourists. Who wouldn’t like to see a roided-out dude swinging from the vines high on nature and armed with an endless supply of weapons? He could use extracts from the jungle to bulk up and unleash his inner monster. Tarzan would be super passionate about his jungle and not keen on a bunch of clueless college students invading his turf. Think The Green Inferno meets Beast. Lions, tigers, and homicidal heroes, oh my.

The Hardy Boys in 2023

The crime-solving brothers are tailor-made for a Nancy Drew, Riverdale CW glow-up. Firstly the teen boys are already sleuthing stuff, so let’s just let them solve murders. The twist would be that these killings would all be sadistic blood baths perpetrated by a sick twist that loves the game as much as the gore. Think Seven meets Saw with a dash of teen angst. Brutal death traps and deep community secrets would share space with romance. I can hear the keyboards pounding already and casting agents scrambling for Finn Wolfhard and Noah Schnapp from Stranger Things.

Buck Rogers in 2023

Another science fiction and horror hybrid that feels poised for something more substantial than the sudsy offering we first got. Battlestar Galactica gave us a grittier, edgier remake, and Buck Rogers could go a similar direction, only even farther. Instead of finding himself in suspended animation for hundreds of years, Buck could fall into a wormhole to future Hell like the portal generator seen in Event Horizon. Sam Neill could play Buck Rogers as a more grizzled and corruptible antihero who isn’t completely convinced he doesn’t belong in Hell. All kinds of things could be wrong with the twenty-fourth century: environmental disasters, alt-history nightmares, and dystopian hegemonies. I could riff on this for days.

Popeye in 2024

Popeye’s bulging biceps and spinach consumption could be reimagined as a weird The Stuff meets Robocop thing with roots in a classic good versus evil quandary. Bluto could remain his nemesis, and Popeye would be forced to decide if it is worth becoming a monster himself to save his beloved Olive Oyl. Olive won’t be any basic B@tch either. The skinny damsel needs to be a little twisted herself. I imagine Rosamund Pike or Krysten Ritter, who may or may not be in cahoots with Bluto and can save herself. Thank you very much. My personal favorite childhood character, hamburger obsessor Wimpy, must be a deranged vagrant who is more than he seems.

Steamboat Willie in 2024

The mouse that Disney’s Mickey Mouse was modeled after will be available in 2024. So what better way to stick it to the gloved rodent and their ever-rising park costs than to ruin this iconic character? I can’t help but imagine something that would be a combination of Ben and David Lynch’s Eraserhead on a steamboat. A surreal sci-fi hybrid starring Crispin Glover and written by Baran bo Odar and Jantje Friese of Dark and 1899 fame. Steamboat Willie was a stripped-down, black-and-white creature that practically screams for the Lynchian touch. Of course, realistically, this will never happen, but a girl can dream.

Bonus Childhood Nightmare

Me And My Shadow by Al Jolson, Billy Rose, and Dave Dreyer needs to become the future Smile. Shadows are already creepy, and the idea that it never leaves your side is ready-made for a horror movie. It could easily be a low-budget film that wouldn’t require a ton of effects or CGI. Psychological, haunting, and moody, it would be relatable to everyone and deeply scary. Tension would fill every scene and build to a mind-bending conclusion that could be debated on Reddit for years after. This song is available now.

Likely the success of The Mean One and Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey will dictate whether or not more of our childhood gets destroyed. If the viral buzz is anything to go by, we should expect to see a glut of this nightmare fuel in the future. Over the next several years, even more, classics will become part of the Public Domain, and this could be the next splashy subgenre whether we like it or not. The Mean One is in select theaters now, and Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey has a February 15th, 2023 release date.